Years ago a worship song was released by Vineyard called, "Breathe." As a worship leader, I used to kind of avoid doing this song. At the time I wasn't quite sure why, but I always had trouble singing it. It wasn't because it was a difficult song to sing vocally or a tough one to play on the guitar. No, it was & is the lyrics that led it to become the song I couldn't sing. Consider the lyrics:
This is the air I breathe, this is the air I breathe, Your holy presence living in me.
This is my daily bread, this is my daily bread, Your very word spoken to me.
And I, I'm desperate for You. And I, I'm lost without You.
There is nothing within the lyrics that I disagree with in my belief, creed, or theology. It is only in my living (practical theology) that I tend to ignore my desperation for God. Although I am crucially aware of my desperation for God as literal sustainer of life, I often live in such a way as Nietzsche metaphorically stated, "God is dead."
And this I know, that God is the only One who is truly alive. And, I am learning to sing this song with new life. The last thing I ever wanted to do was lead songs for my congregation that made them hold promises or confessions that they never intended to live out (see Ecclesiastes 5:4-7). I suppose that is why I prefer songs that make a great deal of God's sovereignty & power--that we are not dependent upon our performance, rather God's mercy.
I am desperate for God. And you are desperate for God. And everyone is desperate for God. If only we lived this way.
This past Friday night I sat in the balcony of a large church auditorium & beneath me were roughly 600 men & women who were in recovery of either drug or alcohol addiction. As we worshipped together I couldn't help but sense the overwhelming presence of God. I thought to myself, "I have finally come to a service where there are none righteous & they realize it." Everyone there knew they were barely hanging on & were desperate for God to do something. Without God showing up, there was no hope for these people. All they would look forward to is sinking back into addiction & pain. I couldn't help but weep.
Then...I returned Sunday to my church. As I led our congregation in worship, I felt like I was in another world. Rather than sensing a spirit of desperation, I sensed a spirit of self-righteousness. In general, the people of our church do not "need" God. This too made me weep, yet in a totally different way.
Stay hungry, stay foolish!
I have no doubt that one of the reasons we hear of so many encounters of Jesus with the Pharisees in the Gospels is that it is *so easy* for we (me!) as believers to fall into a pharisee's way of thinking and living. I have spent a lot of time in the gospels over the last couple years, and frequently find myself thinking (to my great dismay): yep - there I am again.
ReplyDeleteDesperation...Man, if only I realized just how desperate I am. This is a timely reminder to me just how desperate I am of God's mercy on my life. As I ponder on my own state, I realize that I am very good at weeping over the people in my life (especially my congregation), but how seldom I weep over my own life.
ReplyDeleteMay I come to realize my desperation and may I embody what it means to be sinner who has been saved on the merit of my Savior and not my own. May Grace Abound In My Life!